Wait A Minute.

happy new year, 2010.

Year of Favour, here I come :)

I am pretty much anticipating for the new year as usually ushering into a new year will be just rather insignificant to me. I don't make resolutions, no not cause I don't keep to them or I never seem to fulfill them. It's just that, I don't bother making any, that's probably how lazy I am -.-

There is something within my heart though that I secretly or silently hope to accomplish this coming year. Happiness, for You and Me. Ey, what's wrong with that? Some people can go on with their year without being happy you know. With all my heart, I only want the best for us.

(one of my MOST memorable and happy moments in 2009)

I'm sorry for my weaknesses. That selfish side of me or that cowardly side of me. I wish I can make things better and this time around, I promise I will. Hold on. Wait for me.

How are you celebrating tonight?

Cheers, X.

"but you said, somewhere, someday, somehow"

Lullabye.

I like playing Harvest Moon, I really do. The sad thing is, I never got married in any of my game -.- It was always an 'almost', Annoying. I want to play it again just so I get to pick which boy I get married to ;) You see, once I start playing, I literally get addicted to it. But I get all so excited and there is always a smile on my face when you watch me play!

I was rather distracted today. Thoughts were everywhere. But nevertheless, I made an effort to enjoy my day and I did. You see, a thing I learn is when something suddenly pops up or in out of nowhwere, I have to tell myself to stop and not dwell on it and I'm sure as hell getting better at it.

You caught me off guard. No suprises. I must admit, I do wonder. I wonder whether if there is a way to turn back the clock that night, will you turn the god damn thing? Then maybe, just maybe we both could still be sane and I wouldn't need to have a conscience battle daily about what happened. What say you?

On a random note, I never knew there was a KTZ in One Utama until today. Seriously, can die. You have no idea how I crave for their mango lo sometimes when I am in OU but never able to satisfy the craving cause most of the time, the thought of driving to SS2  and back to OU for it seems ridiculous. So at least not I am able to have my mango lo when I'm in OU :)

can you guess what I wanted to do when I found out about KTZ in OU?

seriously, somebody can just shoot me down. Haha.

nights.

"cross my heart and hope to die"

If The Shoe Fits.

i still remembered the day the sunshine got cloudy. do you?

"and when it rains, will you find an escape?"

I Love Us.

(HI, meet Love, Fei & Hips)

"I always feel a strange combination of sadness and joy when it comes to you. There are moments where I wish I can unwind the clock and take all the sadness away. But I have a feeling if I did that, the joy would be gone as well. So I take the memories as they come, accepting them all, letting them guide me whenever I can"

(A Walk to Remember)

Conversations that make me smile to myself =)

Me: Ey I'm actually very smart
Don: HuHHH?
Me: -.-

Me: Ey I'm going to sleep, what you going to do?
Don: Sleep also lo
Me: ish, COPYCAT
Don: stupid

Me: Ey babe, you got a pic of Don looking retarded ar?
Daph: Got alot, I need to find
Me: LOL

You don't find it funny? It is okay. I didn't ask you all to laugh. You all weren't suppose to get it anyway.

Oh, i feel like wii-ing!

Laters, X.

"it's okay to play make believe once in awhile"

When The Weather Is Fine.

Yeah, that is exactly how I feel, don't judge.

It took me awhile to get this off my chest. They think I am indestructible. That one girl that always has a smile on her face, the one that has gone through nothing and has no scars. But i want them to understand me, to understand how hard is it to be in my position sometimes. Why can everyone else just fall apart, while I have to keep it all together?

I have been chasing footsteps long enough. I realized that it takes a whole lot of courage to tell yourself enough is enough and even when you know it, it requires even more courage and determination to walkaway. Hence, I respect those that knows how to love themselves and stop chasing those footsteps that people leave behind because they know they are not getting anywhere. It gets really draining but yet once you get used to the chase, it seems like there is no turning back. Wrong.

The past few days has been overwhelming. I don't know myself anymore. It is rather prevalent that I am either suppressing how I really feel or by the grace of God, I am fine. There is so much within me that I wish I could say but something is holding me back, I think it is pain. Don't get me wrong, I am not emo. I just feel that circumstances has made me bitter and I hate being bitter. Rest assured that I am making the conscious effort to smile everyday to reverse the order of bitterness.

Feels like I'm standing on top of a rooftop. This time, I won't allow myself to fall *crosses fingers* It feels pretty damn good standing at the peak and staring from above. That is how far I have come :) I think deep down somewhere, I am quite ready to forgive. I guess I just seem to have some trouble accepting the fact that someone I loved so dearly had the heart to crush me into a million pieces, just like that.

On a lighter note, I used to want everything to stay the same. But feelings fade and people change. So, I am going to make the best of what I am left with, and not let my future be based on my past.

So here's a smile on my face with someone that is significant to me and for a fact, she loves me, very much.

My nanny and I

"i hope you're true, cause playing tricks is not the game for you"

DIONNE LOONG HOW YEE.

Dear Don,

(i like this picture of YOU and yes i stole it from your FB, sue me)

First things first, thank you for your handmade card. I didn't want to say anything yet last night because I was planning to do this since you're damn lack-of-attention ;)

When I read it, I smiled, so much :) Knowing I am loved by you and even if the sun don't shine and our words don't rhyme, do or die you're going to be by my side. The picture of the sweet made me laughed to myself -.- What's your problem? Lol.

No words can express how thankful I am for you. Through out this whole year, I don't think anyone else can take the shit I am capable of putting one through but you. During my lowest moments in life, you are always there. Thank you. We've both come such a long way this year and I want you to know I am so proud of you for what you have accomplished :)

You've been my pillar of strength and comfort. Playing the role of my part time lover as well. Always being the reminder to remind me that I am good enough, especially for you la right. Lol.

The year is ending and boy am I glad I had you with me to go through it. Time passed by so fast. The new year is coming. Babe, it wasn't so bad after all isn't it? ;) Lets look forward to a better year and make many more happy memories together!

Our happy ending is coming, just wait! or worst come to worse, just stay with me huh. HAHA

ily, with all my heart. X

Yesterday Ended Last Night.

Last 2 years felt like a rollercoaster ride, last year felt like like a ride to hell and as for this year, I felt like I was in hell. Till the extend I think I forgot how to smile.

I don't know why I don't feel the pain anymore, or the need to feel the pain.

I don't feel anything, I don't feel the thrill. Numb.

On a lighter note, something does interest me.

This time, it is more logical, it is more real and less denial.

All these shindigs don't tickle my fancy the way they used to.

Funny, I always thought I will never get tired of it.

Does this intrigue you too?

Trust me, I am usually not confused about anything.

I just like playing dumb -.-

Which leaves me being as complacent as ever to do anything about it.

But things has changed, gradually of course.

Being reluctant to change makes the whole process harder.

Hence, me taking ages to reach where I am now.

There are many things in my heart I wish I can just dispose them.

Mistakes were made and many things were lost along the way.

I suprise myself that I could still force a smile on my face every now and then.

...when you really think about it, it wasn't so bad afterall :)

On a random note,

makes me that much stonger, makes me work a lil bit harder, makes me that much wiser, so,

THANKS FOR MAKING ME A FIGHTER =)

For so long, I've been going after the things I want, never sitting still.

But I think sitting still is what's best for now.

I found my fullstop.

"because, sometimes, you have to step outside the person you've been and remember the person you were meant to be, the person you wanted to be, the person you are"