Moment of silence. Today morning, it dawned upon me that the problem is with me. I am reluctant to move another step ahead. Why is accepting the cold truth so hard. Better yet, why does it still distract or bug me that much. The fact that I know I positioned myself in this map of life and there is no one to blame but myself when my life is perpetually getting more and more tormenting is not very pleasing. Especially when I can just walk myself away from that position, don't even need to throw the dice. So why am I still here? I remember the feeling of every inch and bit of the sadness that I encountered today. I know I tried dealing with it and attempted to recall when was the last I really felt that way. Definitely not too long ago. Take note, it's sadness I am talking about, not pain. There are many reasons for one to be sad and as for me, things like 'what ifs' makes me sad. Yeah, what if it was a two-way traffic? At least for today.
While trying to talk myself out of it, I know deep down inside, I am not as generous and as nice as I thought I could be. I am not fine with it. I don't like to share. I know I don't like the feeling of knowing something but I can't say anything about it. The feeling of keeping it all in and under control because in the first place, it shouldn't be any of my concern, kills me. It is mind fcuking.
I want to not bother. I want to wake up feeling happy and not gloomy. I want things to either change or we wind back the clock and go back to the past. Nonsensical foolishness, bleh.
I know what you did.
"we all have our own scars.."
